In today’s article, I’d like to talk about kindness in seduction or when you’re trying to win back a particular girl.
More specifically, what to do to stop being too nice with women.
Be careful—I’m not saying you should be unpleasant or disrespectful toward them.
But an excess of kindness is not good.
In the following lines, I’ll give you the main reason why being too nice is not attractive and doesn’t work.
Then, you’ll discover the 5 keys to apply to stop this behavior so you can attract the woman (or women) you’re interested in.
The Main Reason
When you meet a woman for the first time, regardless of the context, whether at work, on the street, in a bar, at a friend’s party, etc.
Being too nice with her will unintentionally create a feeling of affection, not attraction.
An essential element will be missing for her to consider you as a potential partner: Sexualization, or the sexual tension that can exist between you when you’re together.
And as you might guess, if you don’t have this element, you’ll end up in the friendzone the day you try to take things to the next level with her.
To avoid this, I’ve written an article that gives you 10 powerful techniques to sexualize the conversation with a woman.
During a reconciliation, if one of the main reasons for your breakup was that she no longer had feelings for you, chances are you forgot, amid the routine of daily life to remain seductive and attractive in her eyes.
You may have forgotten to
- Make your ex orgasm enough times per week,
To make her feel excited the way she did at the beginning of your relationship, when you were in the seduction phase and not in the “taken for granted and routine” phase.
So I encourage you to read this article because not only do the techniques work, but you’ll also be able to sexualize the interaction without coming across as creepy.
Unfortunately, many men think they just need to talk about sex, and that’s it—big mistake. These guys end up looking like perverts when they do that.
And if you want to win back an ex or a girl who ghosted you, read it as well, because you’ll discover techniques that will also be useful.
1st Key: Stop Seeking Approval
Instead of asking for permission, take action directly.
For example, you’ve finished your drink on your date.
Instead of asking her where she’d like to go or what she’d like to do, suggest something yourself.
Show her that you take initiative.
Don’t worry about acting like a “tyrant” in doing so. A tyrant is someone who imposes something without considering others’ opinions.
Your job is to propose, to suggest, rather than to ask.
And of course, even when proposing, you take into account if she says no or if it doesn’t suit her.
Another example: You’re chatting with her via text.
Instead of asking her:
- If she wants to meet up
- If she’d like to get to know you better
- What she’s doing this weekend
Tell her you’re inviting her for a hot chocolate (if it’s winter) or an iced tea (if it’s summer) on Monday or Wednesday evening, for example, since those are your only availability.
2nd Key: Set Your Boundaries
Not knowing how to say “no” leads you to do things you don’t really want to do.
Or you end up accepting things that don’t interest you.
For example, if the girl you’re on a date with asks if her friend can join, you should politely say no.
If your ex forced too many dinners with her family on you or let her friends come over too often, chances are you didn’t know how to say no—politely but firmly—and explain that enough is enough.
Women, including your ex, are attracted to men who have clear boundaries and aren’t afraid to enforce them—always politely and respectfully, of course.
During a recent coaching session, Thomas, a 27-year-old engineer, told me he didn’t understand why his ex had dumped him after two years together.
She said she no longer had feelings for him.
After digging deeper into their relationship, he realized how many times he had failed to say no or enforce his boundaries.
The result?
His ex gradually lost respect for him, and with that, her feelings faded too.
A Personal Anecdote
When I was in Australia improving my English, there was a girl—one of the most beautiful in my school—whom I asked out.
She accepted, but on the day of the date, she asked if I wanted to go to the movies with her and some other people.
As you can see in the images below:
I simply said no politely because I really didn’t want to go to the movies with all those people.
I wanted to see her.
As you can read, she insisted, saying we could meet just the two of us after the movie. But I refused and even suggested rescheduling.
Why? Because I wanted to see her without waiting for the movie to end.
In the last photo, you can see she was annoyed because she really wanted to see me.
So I asked if she was free after the movie—she was.
And there you have an example of how you can say no, get what you want, and still stay polite.
The Takeaway
You, too, need to define your boundaries and know what’s acceptable for you—and what isn’t.
Then, don’t be afraid to stand by them.
By being congruent and setting your limits, you’ll feel a pleasant sensation.
Why?
Because you’re respecting your boundaries and, in a way, respecting yourself.
On the other hand, if you don’t do this, you’ll feel an unpleasant sensation inside.
Because what you’ve accepted doesn’t align with who you are.
3rd Key: Own Who You Are
This key builds on the idea of congruence from the previous point.
When you’re too nice, you tend to:
- Fear expressing your opinion
- Avoid conflict at all costs
- Fear rejection
And all of this happens because you don’t dare to own who you are, what you do, and what you want.
A defining trait of an alpha male is standing firm in his truth without fearing others’ disapproval—whether it’s a beautiful stranger or close friends.
By applying this key, you’ll stop being “cloyingly sweet” or “overly pliable,” which will also make you more attractive.
Owning yourself will also force you to set boundaries and say no when needed.
You’ll notice these keys are interconnected—applying them together is crucial.
In a relationship, if you avoided difficult conversations with your ex out of fear, you showed her you lacked emotional maturity.
And naturally, that can make a woman lose interest in you.
4th Key: Practice Healthy Selfishness
I know this behavior is often criticized in today’s society.
But there’s a good kind of selfishness I want to share with you here.
Bad selfishness is when you only think about yourself all the time – never considering others or sharing anything.
But good selfishness means simply doing things that make you happy and recharge your energy.
For example, when you have demanding days in your routine,you need to maintain habits or activities that replenish you.
You must find your balance, whether through sports, meditation, etc…
Under no circumstances should you be willing to say no to these things just to say yes to someone else.
Taking time for yourself is extremely important, even in dating.
By doing things that recharge you,
you’ll be able to shine afterwards and show the best version of yourself.
This makes you more attractive than someone who can’t take care of themselves because they’re always saying yes to others.
Especially if you want to stay attractive in your partner’s eyes, it’s crucial to first think about yourself and your needs.
This way you can then offer them the best version of yourself because you’ll feel at your top after putting yourself first.
5th Key: Stop Seeking Universal Approval
Accept that you won’t please everyone—and realize you don’t *need* to please everyone to be attractive.
One of the telltale signs of excessive niceness?
Constantly trying to keep *everyone* happy with you.
Even if it comes from good intentions, you’re wasting enormous energy and time on a lost cause.
Why? Because everyone has different tastes and desires.
You can’t bend over backward 24/7 to satisfy them all.
Stop:
– Changing your opinions or plans just to impress a woman.
– Shifting your behavior to win over her friends (e.g., if you used to act differently around your ex’s friends just to “fit in”).
As Key #3 states: Own who you are, what you do, and what you want—
without fearing disagreement or disapproval.